How Involving Partners Can Support Your OCD Treatment
Living with OCD and balancing a loving relationship can feel like a tricky balance. You may worry that opening up about your thoughts and feelings could push your partner away, or that bringing them into your treatments will make things more complicated, rather than helping.
Wanting to keep your OCD to yourself and outside of your relationship is perfectly understandable. You don’t want to burden them; it’s your thing, right?
We understand that sharing something so deeply personal can feel overwhelming. But here’s what we’ve seen from our experience as licensed therapists for OCD in Boston, MA: Involving a supportive partner in your OCD treatment can be incredibly beneficial. Not because they need to “fix” anything, but because having them understand what you’re going through can make you feel less alone when it comes to your OCD. And more importantly, they can learn how to support YOU in ways that are genuinely helpful.
At Soultality, we believe that you and your relationship deserve care, patience, and understanding. Let’s explore how inviting your partner into your healing journey can help both of you navigate your OCD with more clarity and loving connection.
But First, What is Relationship OCD (ROCD)?
While OCD can affect relationships in many ways, some people experience a specific subtype known as Relationship OCD. ROCD creates obsessive thoughts and compulsions about the relationship itself, making you question things like:
“Do I really love them?”
“What if they’re not really the one?”
“What if I suddenly realize I’m attracted to someone else of a different gender?”
These thoughts feel real, but most of the time, they aren’t an indication of actual relationship problems. They are intrusive, fear-based thoughts driven by OCD’s need for certainty. But when you have two people involved, the level of certainty feels different, which is one reason why ROCD often leads to compulsions like excessive reassurance-seeking, over-analyzing feelings, or even avoiding your partner altogether.
Before getting too deep here, we want you to remember that this isn’t your fault. OCD has a way of making even the strongest relationships feel uncertain, and you are not alone in this. Many people experience ROCD, and therapy can help you recognize these thoughts for what they actually are: intrusive thoughts that don’t define your relationship.
Common Misconceptions About OCD in Relationships
There are a lot of misunderstandings about OCD, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. The thoughts and compulsions that come with OCD can morph depending on our life situations, and that can make it harder to recognize what’s really going on.
So, let’s clear up a few common misconceptions!
1) Questioning your relationship. Many patients feel that if they’re questioning any part of their relationship, it must mean something is wrong. While doubt can be a normal part of any relationship, with ROCD, those doubts become obsessive and intrusive. This can make it feel like you need certainty this very second! So while doubts and questioning your relationship can be part of a normal relationship, with ROCD, this can make the questioning feel unwanted or unprovoked.
2) Thinking that if you actually loved them, you wouldn’t need reassurance. When OCD is in the mix, you can deeply love your partner and still experience unwanted, intrusive thoughts. It’s important to remember that OCD is a mental health condition that distorts thoughts and creates unprovoked anxiety. Asking for reassurance is a compulsion that feels helpful in the moment, but it actually fuels the brain’s need for constant checking.
How OCD Can Show Up in Relationships (Without Realizing It)
As we’ve established, OCD can subtly weave itself into relationships in ways that feel like just another normal dynamic, but often it’s actually reinforcing thoughts and compulsions.
For example, if a person struggles with contamination OCD, you may ask your partner to wash their hands more often or change their clothes as soon as they get home. None of this is intentional, and it’s certainly not about controlling them or the way they are. It comes down to trying to neutralize the discomfort that feels unbearable in the moment. But over time, this dynamic can put a strain on both people in the relationship.
Partners of people with OCD often talk about how they feel confused about the diagnosis, aren’t sure how to help, and feel they may not understand the nuances of OCD.
This is why professional support is such a valuable resource. A therapist can help identify these patterns, offer research-backed strategies, explain them in ways that both people understand, and help create a path forward that strengthens the relationship (instead of allowing OCD to dictate it).
Is Involving Your Partner in OCD Treatment Beneficial?
We would argue, yes! There are many benefits of bringing your romantic partner into your OCD treatment. But we also get that doing so involves a lot of trust. Trust in yourself, trust in your partner, and trust in your therapy team. Your therapy is deeply personal, and allowing your partner to see “all” of you is not easy.
But think about it this way instead. If you were diagnosed with cancer, wouldn’t your partner want to be there to support you and be part of your healing process? Mental health is no different! The more your partner understands what’s happening, the better they can support you.
Plus, we want to make it clear that your partner’s role in therapy is not to act as your at-home therapist. Their role is to gain a deeper understanding of OCD and learn how to respond in ways that are truly helpful. This means learning to support without enabling, creating a known language, and using this to have open and honest conversations.
And to make it clear, having your partner involved in your therapy means we will not be focusing on thoughts caused by your OCD. Rather, we’ll be focusing on the OCD cycle, patterns, and learn how to kindly challenge this so we can create a higher level of understanding with you and your partner.
How Your Partner Can Learn to Support You
Bringing your partner into your OCD treatment is a very big deal for you, but it also offers a lot of clarity for them. Now they’ll be able to learn how to support you in a way that’s truly helpful. Their job isn’t to become your at-home therapist; it’s to learn about what they can do to support and love you in a way that helps in the long run.
Here are a few ways a partner can offer support while maintaining healthy boundaries:
Get educated about OCD: When people are properly informed about OCD, they can understand the nuances and patterns, rather than feeling confused.
Avoid reassurance cycles: By attending treatment sessions, they can learn patterns and helpful phrases to say when they recognize those patterns.
Maintain their own boundaries: It’s okay for them to set limits around how they respond to OCD-driven behaviors. By establishing this in therapy, it creates a loving understanding that supports both people.
Encourage therapy: A supportive partner will want to see you grow and heal. And by being part of your therapy, they will be a positive encouragement for you to continue your therapy journey!
Receive OCD Treatment From the Soultality Center for Psychotherapy in Boston, MA
If OCD has made your relationship feel stressful, hard, or strained, please hear this: It is not your fault. OCD is a disorder, not a choice. And your partner is with you because they love you.
Bringing a romantic partner into your treatment doesn’t mean making them responsible for fixing it. It means giving them the knowledge and tools to support you in the very best way possible, so your OCD doesn’t get to dictate your life.
Strong, healthy relationships are possible, and you deserve both. If you’re wanting support in your romantic relationship alongside your OCD treatment, we would love to chat with you (both!) about the possibilities of what therapy can do for your relationship.
***And if you’re looking for more support for your partners, here at Soultality, we offer a FREE support group for romantic partners with OCD! This group is perfect for those supporting someone with OCD and looking for guidance in a safe, understanding space. If you’d like more information, check out our Groups page here!